Saucy! Top 20 British sex words Americans never use

I blame two people. Benny Hill and Austin Powers. The latter is for sure responsible for putting “shag” into the American language as something other than a fancy bit of dancing. And even though Benny Hill hasn’t been shown over here in years, all it takes is the theme tune to play and people immediately know what’s about to happen. Fast walking nubile young ladies trying to escape the clutches of a weird looking old man.

So yes, there is a saucy side to the British. It’s a direct link to our national psyche of being repressed..a bit..reserved. Stiff upper lip, and all that. I do believe you cannot have the fancy houses and costume dramas without knowing that the British also have this very cheeky side, which is not common in American culture.

The following really is quite saucy but it was requested and I’m easy. Please, if you’re a child, turn off this webpage and go read a nice book by JK Rowling who I hear is quite good. Don’t think less of me because of this post. I am literally cringing as I type every word. I never swear or have ANY improper thoughts and even now I’m bathing in hot salty water with razor blades to remove the stain from what is to come. It’s making typing this list bloody hard, I tell ye.

Let’s begin you naughty person

Knob – Penis

Fanny – Vagina (NOT the bum. Ever.)

Muff – Vagina

Bollocks – A pair of man’s testicles

John Thomas/Prince Albert – Penis

Bugger – Anal sex

Shag/shagged – Sex

Skank – Slut

Wank – To Masturbate

Boff – Sex

How’s your father – Sex (fancy a bit of how’s your father, love?)

Slapper – Slut

Rogering – Sex (I was rogering Joanne)

Snog – French kiss

Willy – Penis

Twat – Vagina

Bonk – Sex

Bang – Sex

Toss off – Masturbate

Jugs/Melons/Baps – Breasts

Urgh. Now go wash your eyeballs and never, ever look at this list again.